Dear Kiwis:

First, I would like to thank-you for having a great visa system that lets us come here. Next, please note my observations:
Z is a letter and is not a back country toothless man named Zed.
Mullets are not back in fashion and never will be.
Hammer pants didn't look good on MC Hammer and don't look good on you, even if you rename them as "harem" pants. (I would have pictures, but am not that clever to secretly get pictures of these folks)
Get real skateboards, not the plastic ones sold in K-Mart in the early 80s.
Thank you for the amusing "educational" road signs. Such as "cars kill what they can't see" to educate on the dangers of biking in black clothing. (something Kaleb is guilty of frequently)
Export Tim Tams (a cookie) to the U.S., they're delicious.
I curse you with the shear variety of ciders here. How will I ever deal with the few choices in America?
Insulation and heating are fantastic inventions. It prevents rain inside the house.
Horse racing should not have its own channel on TV. It's not that interesting.
Rugby teams should not have hot pink uniforms.
I love this country, some things are just a bit off.

One more thing: What you call bacon is just a big hunk of ham. Stop putting it on everything.